Election posters on display in Polokwane. (Gallo Images/Philip Maeta)
In a satarical column addressed to President Cyril Ramaphosa, Bhekisisa Mncube writes about his ideological battle with some of the country’s two-faced leaders.
Chief Dwasaho, I’m aware it’s the silly season, yet must we endure the dual visages of leaders from the same political party staring at us from every street corner and highway? I understand that John, Roger, Songezo, and their cohorts (dogs) are intent on ousting you and sailing to the Mahlamba Ndlopfu Presidential Palace merely to change the curtains and bed linen.
I was recently cruising along the e-tolled road, blissfully aware that motorists no longer have to foot the bill—thanks to the Gauteng ANC-led government’s triumphant rallying cry for the national government to scrap this urban tolling madness. Hats off to your comrades, former Gauteng Premier David Makhura, current Premier Panyaza Lesufi, and Minister of Transport Sindisiwe “Born Again” Chikunga. I was journeying on the N1 from Sandton City en route to Pretoria—the capital city and my home, nestled in the illustrious suburb of Waterkloof; aah, as they say, “Haters are gonna hate.” There you were, my leader, beaming down from a lamppost billboard alone. I must confess, I’m officially jealous that it’s your face, not mine, adorning the billboards while I, son of MaMlambo, linger in the periphery. But I digress.
Gobsmacked
As I teetered on the edge of a nail-biting episode—a habit I tend to indulge in upon realising my own triviality—I chanced upon a billboard featuring the late, most polarising and cantankerous leader of the Inkatha Freedom Party (IFP), later President Emeritus Inkosi Mangosuthu Gatsha Buthelezi, alongside the current IFP President, Velenkosini Fiki Hlabisa. I was absolutely gobsmacked!
Well, well, well, the IFP has concocted another cheeky strategy to tip its hat to a somewhat troubled past while paving the way for an uncertain future. However, given the labyrinthine nature of voter psychology and the arcane arts of political marketing, it’s safe to assert that the party is treading on precariously thin ice.
Brand analysts assert that individual politicians’ image can significantly influence their party’s brand. In the IFP’s case, Buthelezi’s legacy is undeniable—his unique leadership and political philosophy have left an indelible mark. Yet, featuring Buthelezi alongside Hlabisa on their latest billboard might puzzle older voters who still revere Buthelezi.
But then again, perhaps the IFP is merely angling to tickle the fancies of undecided voters who need a good chuckle. After all, nothing yells “unity” quite like slapping a departed and a current leader together on the same billboard.
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And in a delightful twist of irony, the Independent Electoral Commission (IEC) has confirmed that it will be the political pipsqueak Hlabisa flying solo on the ballot.
I dare say that the older generation and many others may overlook Hlabisa’s unfamiliar face on the ballot. They will be scanning for the familiar countenance of the late stalwart who, after all, helmed the IFP for 44 years and was its electoral poster boy for an epic 48 years. The shock could very well send spectacles tumbling off noses across the voting booths!
My leader, are you confident that your face alone, without the ever-smiling and charismatic former President Nelson Mandela beside you, will win you the election on 29 May? Never mind!
Gladafrica scandal
Well, John “Vul’ Gate” Steenhuisen, also known as Mr Matric, evidently harbours no illusions that his pallid countenance alone will secure him votes in Gauteng. In a daring gambit, he’s plastered across billboards and posters alongside a name that might be familiar to me but likely not to many others: former Tshwane Metro Municipality Mayor Solly Msimanga. Msimanga exited his mayoral office at first recess amid the infamous GladAfrica scandal. This tumult involved a staggering R12 billion contract deemed irregular by the Auditor-General of South Africa. It was subsequently annulled, leaving what could only be described as Msimanga’s political debris in its wake.
I am pleased for uBaba, as his image will grace the ballot, making history as the only leader to do so while holding membership in two political parties simultaneously. He is hell-bent on completing a regicide using the Spear of the Nation, uMkhonto WeSizwe. The audacity!
As a Tshwane resident, I find myself rather triggered at the sight of Msimanga’s mug plastered across my byways, back routes, and highways. Equally unsettling is the omnipresent image of Buthelezi, who never apologised for leading a death squad that maimed and killed thousands. Mr President, must we really endure these two-faced leaders?
Until next time, my man. Send me to the IEC House to monitor the 29 May elections.
– Bhekisisa Mncube is an author, a regular columnist for The Witness, a content creator, and a frequent political commentator.
*This column was originally published here.
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